Adult Time! Too lonely to Netflix And Chill? No worries, pal. I got something that will cheer you right up. Adult Time aka the Premium Adult Digital Entertainment Network won’t get you laid quite the same way as getting a woman horny while showing her chick flicks, but they do have a metric fuck-ton of dirty movies to shake your dick at. You’re going to get off either way, right? You won’t even have to order the broad a pizza.

Hot Movies! Looking for a new way to watch porn? Sick of the same old formula where you have to dish out your hard earned cash every month to get access to porn that isn’t shit tier? I don’t know about you, but I always thought there were better ways to go about things. I would rather pay for only the content that I am going to watch instead of making a blanket payment that covers everything on a site. Depending on your spending and porn watching habits, it could very well save you a ton of money compared to those memberships that run you hundreds of dollars every fucking year. And I think I finally found a site that breaks the mold. Someone who dares to do something different.

Looking to buy some porno at AdultEmpire? The smut shop I’m looking at today lets you stream hot, fresh fuck movies like all the other porn sites, or you can buy DVDs like back in the old days. AdultEmpire has been around long enough to know how to do both, and do them well. Oh, and they have a massive selection of sex toys, too.

AEBN, also known as the Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network, has been broadcasting adult entertainment for decades now, delivering their first Internet fap way back in 1999. They cater to both straight and gay audiences, but if you want a review of the queer stuff, you’re on the wrong site; head on over to MyGaySites.com to see ThePornDude’s take on dudes boning each other. Today, I’m going to watch the girls getting dicked down over in the straight.aebn.com library.

SpiceVids slid into my DMs this morning and it seemed like perfect timing, because we’re in the middle of pumpkin spice season. All the women you know are paying extra to have cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and clove extracts added to their coffee, donuts, cigarettes and tampons, so why wouldn’t porn fanatics want the same? The answer, of course, is the burning. Fortunately for all of us perverts, the titular spice we’ll be looking at today ain’t the seasonal kind traditionally added to otherwise flavorless pumpkin guts. This spice may be hot as fucking hell, but I ain’t referring to cayenne or paprika, either.

Have you visited the Fap House lately? I ain’t talking about visiting your mother-in-law’s place, where your wife insists you’re not allowed to fuck in the guestroom, leading you to rub out load after load after explosive load in the bathroom. (“I swear, honey, I just have the shits from your mom’s meatloaf!”) I’m actually talking about a new premium site that popped up at the beginning of April. They made a ridiculously grand entrance into the online porn market, building up a following at a rate that would make just about any smut peddler jealous; a couple of months in, they’re already getting over 30 million visits a month.

What in the world is better than mountains of free porn? You already know how easy it is to score nearly unlimited amounts of anal bang smut and teen lesbian group-sex (18+) movies on the free tubes. I’m sure you’ve also seen those ads promising to enhance your free tube experience for a few bucks. As distracted as I usually am by the free public threesomes and airtight orgies, my curiosity finally got the best of me, and I ended up checking out XVideos.red.

Do you want to stream full porn movies at Bang.com? That has to be the domain score of a lifetime, am I right? It’s quick, punchy, straight to the point, and tells you everything you need to know about the site before you ever even visit. Fuck, the people of Bang studios really lucked out with that one. It really makes you wonder if they are able to live up to the high expectations that a name like Bang sets up for a premium pay porno site.

If GameLink was a newer brand, I might assume from the name they were selling video games or maybe the face-to-face kind you play on a board with your family. Of course, they’ve been around since 1997, which is more than enough time to establish themselves as a world-class emporium of smut. Only a handful of porn sites from the era still exist, so you can guess a lot about their quality just from their longevity.

I had Dorcel Vision recently, so I made an appointment to visit the local eye doctor to see if she had anything that could help. It turns out she didn’t, and now there’s a photo of me near the counter and a note to call the police if I show up. I guess the lesson here is that if you’re afflicted with a condition named after a world-famous French-Hungarian pornographer, you’re better off just jerking off than getting a new pair of glasses.

Why do I always feel so fucking fancy when I watch French porno? I feel like I should pop a bottle of nice wine and eat some snails while I butter up my long, throbbing baguette. (For the neckbeards out there in mom’s basement, remember to scrape the fromunda cheese off first.) Somebody just sent me a link to Jacque et Michel Elite, so I’m in exactly that kind of mood.

Video Box! The Internet has largely replaced the old style of porn stash, hidden under a mattress or in the top of a closet. Without the need to pile up physical copies of movies, we can pull up a much wider range of material instantly on a phone or laptop. A membership to a good porn site is a lot like having your own sex video box that you carry with you all the time. One such sex video box is Video Box.

Are you ready for some New Sensations, on demand? Porno can offer all kinds of sensations you don’t normally experience at the office, at the grocery store, or even in the bedroom with your cold, vanilla wife. These are among the reasons we come back to the stuff again and again, driven by our throbbing dicks and our caveman brains. It’s a good time to be a horny human in the world, as the internet makes a whole superhighway of pornography available at the tap of a fingertip.